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PROBLEM ESSAY
“When parents think a child's interests are ‘stupid’ or worthless, the parent thinks less of the child.
When a child finds something stimulating and fascinating and the parent declares it worthless, the child thinks less of the parent.”
-Sandra Dodd
One day, when I was eight, my father brought home a surprise: a Nintendo video game system, handed down to him by an old friend. I hovered about in a state of mingled agitation, excitement, and curiosity as he struggled to connect the ancient machine to our television and tweak it to his satisfaction. Finally the setup was deemed sufficient, and I was allowed to step forward and, for the first time ever, try my hand in a real, console video game.
It was love from the very first level. I delighted in the speed and agility of the little person I was controlling, the charm of his world, and, more than anything, the incredible level of direct control the game gave me of him. For the first time in my electronic experience, I was interacting with a world that felt free-flowing and relatively open. I’d played a substantial number of “edutainment” games (like Math Blaster and Jump Start) and had enjoyed them to no small degree, but this new entity was vastly different. The edutainment titles seemed to be designed primarily to “trick” children into learning- if you removed the highly appealing animation, the shallow plot lines, and the interactivity, all that was left was a (still rather fun) math quiz or phonics test. This new game, on the other hand, was fun for fun’s sake- it had no ulterior motive, and by focusing all of its energies on this one task, it amazed and delighted me in its near-perfection.
Not everyone was happy about this development, however. My mother had so far watched proudly as I grew, deriving great satisfaction from my abilities in subjects like math and science, how I shifted from one scientific fascination to another, and most of all my voracious appetite for books. Now, for one of the first times ever, a perceived threat to my intellectual health had arrived; a vulgar little game box set poised to usurp my precious, intellectually rewarding hobbies and replace them with mind-numbing, twitch-centric, bop-‘n-stomp revelry.
If I exaggerate her feelings, I do so only slightly. Indeed, it would seem hers was, and is, the dominant parental stance on video games. Their intentions, of course, are completely benign: to foster in their children a love of reading and the outdoors, and to protect them from the corrupting influence those games are said to exhibit. But this protective impulse had an effect on me, as I’m certain it has on many others, an effect that my mother didn’t expect or fully understand.
When I learned that my mother, whose good opinion and approval was more important to me than anyone’s, considered my beloved games a waste of time, I was ashamed. And, in time, I was resentful.
From toddlers to teenagers, parents the world over seem to constantly be locked in a grand struggle against their offspring’s wanton consumption of electronic media. Pick up just about any modern parenting book or magazine and riffle through its pages, and you’re bound to find a section, if not a whole chapter, devoted to the management of such consumption, usually stressing the importance of time limitations. After all, allow children to play whenever they want and they’ll never do anything else, right?
“If you don't let them play as much as they want, it's all they'll ever want to do” says Sandra Dodd, an advocate for mutual-respect parenting. It’s a statement that makes quite a bit of sense when you think about it, especially if you consider your own reactions to parental control in your youth. And it certainly held true for me. Even as I grew more and more conscious of my mother’s disapproval and more ashamed of my hobby, I began to dwell constantly on my games. I would always schedule my days so that I could fit my two-hours of game time (a relatively liberal allotment that I was at once thankful for and ashamed of) into them properly. I was devastated if I was unable to play the game to the full extent that I was allowed to, and I viewed any “un-played” time as an incredible waste. I never felt like I had enough time, and the allotment later became a point of serious contention between my mother and I.
Throughout the years of closeted shame and resentment, of hiding my hobby behind my love of books, a single, almost subconscious feeling kept me thoroughly confused: namely, I could never see these games in the same light as their detractors did. While pop psychologists raged at the antisocial tendencies brought upon children by video games, I enjoyed many a rousing and good-natured game of Mario Kart racing with my friends. While teachers across the nation decried games as twitch-sensitive diversions requiring little or no conscious thought, I solved intricate environmental puzzles in the Zelda games and led a virtual army of soldiers to victory through carefully measured strategic moves in Fire Emblem. And while book-lovers blamed children’s illiteracy largely on electronic media, my sister, after months of struggling, finally learned to read with the help of her text-heavy Harvest Moon game.
“When parents think a child's interests are ‘stupid’ or worthless, the parent thinks less of the child.
When a child finds something stimulating and fascinating and the parent declares it worthless, the child thinks less of the parent.”
-Sandra Dodd
One day, when I was eight, my father brought home a surprise: a Nintendo video game system, handed down to him by an old friend. I hovered about in a state of mingled agitation, excitement, and curiosity as he struggled to connect the ancient machine to our television and tweak it to his satisfaction. Finally the setup was deemed sufficient, and I was allowed to step forward and, for the first time ever, try my hand in a real, console video game.
It was love from the very first level. I delighted in the speed and agility of the little person I was controlling, the charm of his world, and, more than anything, the incredible level of direct control the game gave me of him. For the first time in my electronic experience, I was interacting with a world that felt free-flowing and relatively open. I’d played a substantial number of “edutainment” games (like Math Blaster and Jump Start) and had enjoyed them to no small degree, but this new entity was vastly different. The edutainment titles seemed to be designed primarily to “trick” children into learning- if you removed the highly appealing animation, the shallow plot lines, and the interactivity, all that was left was a (still rather fun) math quiz or phonics test. This new game, on the other hand, was fun for fun’s sake- it had no ulterior motive, and by focusing all of its energies on this one task, it amazed and delighted me in its near-perfection.
Not everyone was happy about this development, however. My mother had so far watched proudly as I grew, deriving great satisfaction from my abilities in subjects like math and science, how I shifted from one scientific fascination to another, and most of all my voracious appetite for books. Now, for one of the first times ever, a perceived threat to my intellectual health had arrived; a vulgar little game box set poised to usurp my precious, intellectually rewarding hobbies and replace them with mind-numbing, twitch-centric, bop-‘n-stomp revelry.
If I exaggerate her feelings, I do so only slightly. Indeed, it would seem hers was, and is, the dominant parental stance on video games. Their intentions, of course, are completely benign: to foster in their children a love of reading and the outdoors, and to protect them from the corrupting influence those games are said to exhibit. But this protective impulse had an effect on me, as I’m certain it has on many others, an effect that my mother didn’t expect or fully understand.
When I learned that my mother, whose good opinion and approval was more important to me than anyone’s, considered my beloved games a waste of time, I was ashamed. And, in time, I was resentful.
From toddlers to teenagers, parents the world over seem to constantly be locked in a grand struggle against their offspring’s wanton consumption of electronic media. Pick up just about any modern parenting book or magazine and riffle through its pages, and you’re bound to find a section, if not a whole chapter, devoted to the management of such consumption, usually stressing the importance of time limitations. After all, allow children to play whenever they want and they’ll never do anything else, right?
“If you don't let them play as much as they want, it's all they'll ever want to do” says Sandra Dodd, an advocate for mutual-respect parenting. It’s a statement that makes quite a bit of sense when you think about it, especially if you consider your own reactions to parental control in your youth. And it certainly held true for me. Even as I grew more and more conscious of my mother’s disapproval and more ashamed of my hobby, I began to dwell constantly on my games. I would always schedule my days so that I could fit my two-hours of game time (a relatively liberal allotment that I was at once thankful for and ashamed of) into them properly. I was devastated if I was unable to play the game to the full extent that I was allowed to, and I viewed any “un-played” time as an incredible waste. I never felt like I had enough time, and the allotment later became a point of serious contention between my mother and I.
Throughout the years of closeted shame and resentment, of hiding my hobby behind my love of books, a single, almost subconscious feeling kept me thoroughly confused: namely, I could never see these games in the same light as their detractors did. While pop psychologists raged at the antisocial tendencies brought upon children by video games, I enjoyed many a rousing and good-natured game of Mario Kart racing with my friends. While teachers across the nation decried games as twitch-sensitive diversions requiring little or no conscious thought, I solved intricate environmental puzzles in the Zelda games and led a virtual army of soldiers to victory through carefully measured strategic moves in Fire Emblem. And while book-lovers blamed children’s illiteracy largely on electronic media, my sister, after months of struggling, finally learned to read with the help of her text-heavy Harvest Moon game.
In his 2005 book Everything Bad is Good for You, Steven Johnson covers the positive side of video games in great detail; how players unknowingly use the scientific method when probing the world of adventure games (Johnson 45) and the often-complex sequences of tasks it is required that the player internalize when playing many games (Johnson 49-57), to give just two examples. His assertions are just a small part of the ever-mounting research in recent years on the value of video games and the positive effects they have on those who play them, and I’m always happy (though a little amused) to see scientists proclaiming some new discovery that I knew deep down in my subconscious all along.
Despite these recent finds, however, the prevailing cultural attitude towards video games remains a distinctly negative one. This is largely due, I think, to the generational gap typically found between gamers and non-gamers, as well as the studies that link violent video games to violent behavior (few if any of which consider the possibility that they may be looking at the problem backwards) and the frequent sensationalist news-articles that draw similar conclusions and typically highlight only the most inappropriate and violent aspects of the most inappropriate and violent games- the equivalent of judging television as a medium by Fear Factor and film by Saw. In this light, it is perfectly understandable that parents’ thoughts on video games have changed so little in so long.
This negativity and lack of understanding between these parents and their game-playing children, however, helps no one, and it can really hurt the children at whom it’s directed. As the famous psychologist Thomas Gordon observed, “(advocates of discipline) insist, ‘Parents must set limits,’ but seldom say anything about how children respond to having their needs denied in this way. ‘Parents should not be afraid to exercise their authority,’ they counsel, but rarely mention how youngsters react to authority-based coercion” (Gordon). Games are one of the hottest points of contention between parents and younger children, and, as I’ve seen for myself, a topic that’s extremely likely to cause resentment and anger. Young children in particular are extremely sensitive to their parents’ judgments, and the lesson that’s being unintentionally taught by parents on a nationwide scale- that there’s something wrong with their interest in games, and that they shouldn’t bother trying to share that interest with their parents- is one that neither I nor, I think, many parents would wish any child to learn.
Works Cited
Dodd, Sandra. Interview. Zachary Sanders. 28 March 2008.
Gordon, Thomas. "How Children Really React to Control." 1989. The Natural Child Project. 29 March 2008
Johnson, Steven. Everything Bad is Good for You: How Today's Popular Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter. New York: Penguin Group/Riverhead, 2005.
SOLUTION ESSAY
It didn’t take me long, as a young video game player, to realize that my new hobby was not well received by my mother. Like mothers (and fathers) everywhere still do, she saw the games as invaders, pulling my attention away from worthier activities and even causing some harm to my fragile mind. Our disagreement about the quality of the games, and the restrictions she placed upon my playing them, brought tension and discontentment to our once-harmonious relationship. I was upset when unable to use my full allotment of game time in a day, and indignant at my parents’ unlimited television viewing, which I saw as unfair regardless of how much they actually watched. More than anything, though, I was saddened my mother, previously so open and interested to hear about my interests and hobbies, had suddenly become so negative and unreceptive to the wonders I wished to share with her.
My story, I have much reason to believe, is being played out almost identically in homes across the country- indeed, the world. Parents’ guides everywhere urge the limitation and discouraging of video games, going so far as to suggest time frames to limit playing to, and sometimes to ban games from the household altogether, all in the name of protecting children and fostering a love of other things like reading and sports. But these techniques frequently cause more harm than good, and they deny children the parental closeness, friendship, respect, and understanding that they often so badly need.
Reversing the trends that have dominated for so long will not be easy. According to an Associated Press-AOL Games poll conducted late last year, forty-three percent of parents never game with their videogame-playing children, and an additional thirty percent rarely play over an hour each week- in all, only around one in four parents spend much time at all playing video games with their children (Fram and Tompson).But by playing these games with their children instead of condemning them, parents can build on their relationships and respect, learn more about their interests and personality, and perhaps even try to understand what draws their children to those games in the first place. Many parents are quick to assume that it’s the flashy graphics or the violence and sex that garner so much attention, but in reality, the graphics are merely a piece of the puzzle, and many of the most popular games contain little, if any, explicit content.
Even if a parent finds the prospect of gaming with their children too daunting (or if they’re simply too busy), there are a number of other things they can do to help, and eliminating time restrictions on game-playing is perhaps the most prevalent of them. It is also likely to be the least popular of my suggestions thus far. After all, parents have relied steadily on this technique for years, and were it eliminated, their children would do nothing but play video games, right? No, says Sandra Dodd, a national expert on child-parent relationships. “If you . . . let them play as much as they want, they'll play all they want and then do something else. I've seen it time and again. When the game is new there will be a binge if it's a good game, but it's no different from a parent who just got a favorite movie on DVD and wants to watch the special features, or someone doing a crossword or jigsaw puzzle and getting so involved that they forget what time it is”. True, a child who’s just been released from the shackles of limitation will, like anyone just freed from restrictions on their interests, gorge themselves on the games for a while, but over time the novelty will wear thin, and they’ll find balance.
However, even if a parent chooses to remove the restrictions, they must be very conscious of their manner of doing so. Chances are, their children have been raised, however reluctantly, to believe that the limits have been imposed out of love and concern, and if a parent removes the limitation suddenly without explaining why, the child will naturally think it came as a result of the parent caring less about the child. Instead of jumping the decision on them suddenly, parents should take them through a transition period; this is the best time for them to play the games with their children, as it silently reinforces that they’re not just dropping the child’s limitations out of disinterest or neglectfulness, but rather doing so for their mutual benefit.
If the parents wish to shelter their child from inappropriate game content, the first thing they should do is familiarize themselves with the ESRB (Electronic Software Rating Board) game rating system. A survey mentioned at ESRB’s website and released in March of this year states that “86% of parents with children who play video games are aware of the rating system and 78% say they regularly check the rating before buying computer and video games for their children” (ESRB), yet you don’t have to look far to see parents and the media proclaiming their shock at the content of their children’s games- clearly, even more parents need to learn the system.
Something that should never be forgotten, but invariably is by so many well-meaning, misguided parents, is that children, like adults, don’t like having their hobbies derided or criticized. Treating their interests with contempt or derision will rarely gain you anything but spite, while being openminded, respectful, and understanding can bridge the gap between your ages and allow your child to really open up to you, and fosters mutual respect and understanding. I don’t expect many to be convinced or swayed by my arguments, either here or in the accompanying essay- most will remain skeptical, some disagreeing outright. But if even a few people see value in these words and understand the essence of what I’m advocating, it will be worth every ounce of the effort.
Works Cited:
Dodd, Sandra. Interview. Zachary Sanders. 27 March 2008.
ESRB. "Frequently Asked Questions." 2008. Entertainment Software Rating Board Website. 12 April 2008
Fram, Alan and Tompson, Trevor. "Many parents avoid video games with kids." 12 November 2007. MSNBC Website. 12 April 2008
Further Reading:
Everything Bad is Good for You: How Today’s Popular Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter, by Steven Johnson
Desert Trails – TV and Videogames. Blog Post.
We've worked out to it several times now and it is just challenging enough but not too difficult for us to get our hearts a pumpin', get us breathing hard and work up a good sweat. Debra Mazda inserts just the right amount of encouragement although her personal story gets a little old after the third time hearing it. I think that I will purchase another one or two of her videos so that we have some variety for this winter. Those videos along with 
, my favorite yoga DVD: 
and all the swimming and elliptical workouts Zoe and I will be doing at my office gym, we're set for the winter!
